The Beginning of Dog Conversations

I haven’t had a dog since I was 11 years old. That year, a car hit our family dog, Lizzie, while I was in school. I never saw her body and never saw her again. My relationship with Lizzie was short lived. I watched her born in a neighbor’s garage to a female cocker spaniel mix and an unknown father. It was my first education as to how we all come into the world. I don’t even remember taking care of her when she was a puppy. While she was our family dog, I’m sure she was my Mother’s responsibility. I do remember trying to make friends with her, playing by running in the vacant fields near my home while she chased and ran with me. Somehow, I never felt Lizzie knew what I meant when I said come on Liz, run Liz or begged her to play with me. She was a sweet dog, but she was not mine. As a result, I never experienced what it was to truly bond with an animal.

As I grew up, I was vaguely aware that dogs were special pets, usually for men. I had cats. I liked cats. I could appreciate cats. Dogs seemed somewhat foreign, cruder than a cat. And that was the way it was for a long, long time.

Yet, always I knew. I knew dogs had special powers. A dog could sense your fear. Dogs knew if you were authentic or insincere. Since I knew I was a fake, I stayed away from dogs fearing they would find me out and tell the world. So much of my life was lived without any significant contact with dogs.

Oh, I had a few friends who had dogs, but not that many. I think a turning point came when a woman friend of mine lost her long time companion Micheal. Michael was a dog. She and Michael had lived together for over 15 years. I knew people got upset over losing a pet, but this was as strong a grief as I’d ever seen for the death of a relative or dare I say, a spouse. In fact, her love for Michael had been foreign to me and I thought just a bit overdone. But the impression remained with me. Here was a friend I highly regarded, mourning her dog, obviously having had a close relationship with this animal; closer than I'd ever had with any human being.

I was aware dogs had special qualities many people valued. I wanted to experience those qualities for myself. But I was still wary that dogs would find me out and I would easily be seen as the fake I really was. Then, I realized I’d done twelve years of therapy working on my own authentic self and I was pretty grounded and I knew myself to be a caring person. Maybe I could get close to a dog without the dog ignoring me, or worse yet, showing disdain toward me.

I was soon able to put that theory to the test.